This Friday I (finally) return to Baylor Medical Center in Dallas to (hopefully) be given some sort of (positive) verdict. It's been a long, hard wait made only longer and harder by my problems trying to book my next procedures.
As you probably know by this point, I am rasslin' with a nasty liver featuring cancer tumors and scar tissue from Cirrhosification. If we can arrest the cancer growth (loitering), I can get me a brand new (or gently used) healthy liver. (See previous posts for excruciating and ceaselessly fecund details)
This was my Summer of Chemo with therapy starting in mid-May, and then a second application in June. I was to wait 4-6 weeks before strapping on the equipment for an MRI, blood-work and consultation to see if we'd done any good.
Long about week 3, post-hospital, I began calling for my appointment. It took numerous calls to succeed. Armed with only a phone number and a nurse's name from Texas Oncology, I proceed to wind through the matrix that is modern-day voice-directed phone answering. After a mis-button-press or two I finally got the voice mail, where I dutifully left my information: Name, Number, Date of Birth.
After a week of no reply, I re-entered the telephonic cryptogram and got the nurse who acknowledged my call, but said she couldn't decipher my (real) last name. Now, my (real) last name is Munse (pronounced MUN-see). It is rarely pronounced or written correctly on first meeting, so I am in the habit of spelling out my name after every utterance. I'm not saying she was LYING, but...well, maybe I AM saying that.
So I ask, once again, how do I get scheduled for an MRI and can I do it here (in B/CS) or need to head North? She says “Oh you don't need to call me, just contact the Magnetic Resonance Imaging department!” and “Yes, you have to come to Dallas so they can use the same scanners as they used for the original pictures in the morning and you can chat with the Doc in the afternoon”
So, says I, how do I get the MRI and Doc visit on the same day? She says “I can do that for you!” Then, wiping the foam and spittle from my mouth, I tell her to book me soon as possible. She tosses out a few dates (I had requested either a Monday or Friday, so as not to mess up my broadcast week too much). I say “Fine”. She says “Let me check with the Doctor and call you back” Only she doesn't. Call me back.
After a few more days go by Butch (from Maaco) offers to sic his wife, Nelda, on the lot of them. I hesitate and give it one more chance. This time I get the OTHER nurse (the one who treats me and my condition as serious as cancer). I think she can sense my imminent melt-down and moves quickly to calm me down. She gives me her direct line as well the one belonging to Bad Nurse. She says to call her (Good Nurse) if the other (Bad Nurse) fails to call by noon the following day. An audibly chastened Bad Nurse calls the next day at the studios. On the business line. Due to our flawless modern technology, the receptionist can't call you when you're in the production studio, so she left one of them “while you were out” notes from Bad Nurse. When I get into phone contact with Bad Nurse, she claims the biz number is the only one I have. Never mind that I've already donated several pounds of paperwork to several Baylor Med offices with all my information in TRIPLICATE every time I visit the premises for the last 5 or 6 years, THEY DON'T HAVE MY PHONE NUMBERS OR KNOW HOW TO SPELL MY NAME.
(Hulk Mad! Hulk Crush!)
There is actually much more to this story, some I've trimmed, some I've omitted. Bottom line is I'm going in on Friday morning to get tested and review results. I don't know what happens after that. I've quit trying to calculate what further treatments await with positive or negative result. I'm not even sure what CONSTITUTES a positive or negative result. I just take the next step after the current one is complete.
Meanwhile, on the fund-raising front, your green “Team Roy Gene” bracelet is now available. Get one for yourself, your spouse, your mistress, your paramour, your cousins, nephews and crazy uncles. The whole dang family. For a suggested donation of $5 -10, pick up at Maaco, Texas Longhorn Steakhouse, the KORA Studios, my son Alex (RG2) and other soon-to-be-announced locations. You may also make a random donation via PayPal on the KORA website. Use according to instructions, only as directed.
7/26/2010
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