Winners and Losers

Finally, The Dallas Cowboys of Arlington have notched a win in their new palatial Jerry's World stadium (retail price 1.1 billion dollars). Good thing,too. It looked like all the plastic in Mr Jones face was about to melt and turn into a permanent skull-like grimace. I'd have hated to be anyone in his employ or immediate vicinity had the 'boys not pulled through in the second half. I think he might have fired some people today just to relieve the pressure and stay in practice.
Some additional facts about the 9th Wonder of the World: last week I wondered why they'd spend so much money on a new facility - with retractable roof and all - and then lay down artificial turf! Maybe there's been giant leaps in turf technology since I last researched it, but last I heard fake grass is not good for knees and other bendy things. Turns out they have THREE carpets for the field: one for for football, one for soccer, and one for concerts. Already pre-measured and pre-marked. Plus, I'm told, the logos and lettering are not sprayed on the surface but, rather, woven into it. They unroll and roll-up the turf before and after every event. I like the Arizona Cardinals playing field in Phoenix: it's real grass on a giant, movable flat bed that they drag out into the sunshine to maintain. No matter how much the Cowboys have spent on the total package, that "grass" amounts to an inch and a half of plastic on top of cement. Ouch.

Thanks to "Peaches" our clandestine waitress (not her real name) who gave the Roger and Roy Show some of the insider information during our "Good Advice" segment.
Today's Topic: SOME DO'S AND DON'TS IF YOU WANT TO ASK OUT A HOT WAITRESS:

You're out at a bar or a restaurant when a hot waitress comes up to take your order. You want to ask her out, but you can't think of anything to say. So you blurt out something stupid . . or say nothing at all.

The "DO"s:
#1.) Treat her like a real person: Your waitress has heard every line in the book, and she's fully prepared to brush off your cheesy come-on without a second thought.
#2.) Remember she's working: You may be off the clock, but she's not. So don't monopolize her attention and act like she has all the time in the world, because she DOESN'T.
#3.) Bring a few friends along: If you're flying solo, you run the risk of coming across as a creepy loner. Bringing along a few friends goes a long way, especially if there are one or two women in the group. If there is a woman in your group, it's probably not a good idea for her to be your wife or girlfriend. And, it goes without saying, never bring both!
#4.) Talk to her in private: It's not cool to put your waitress on the spot and ask her out in front of your friends. Besides, you may end up embarrassed. Before you talk to her, try excusing yourself from the group or lingering for a few minutes after everyone else leaves.

The "DON'T"s
#1.) Leave an excessively large tip: Why? Because it'll make her feel like you expect something in return . . .("Peaches" doesn't necessarily dismiss big tipping completely, but only as a reward for services or To Insure Promptness))
#2.) Leave a bad tip if she turns you down: That's just weak. She did her job, and it's not her fault you're a loser.
#3.) Brag about your job: The only person who cares about how "cool" your job is, and how much money you make, is YOU.
#4.) Mistake customer service for flirtation: It's her JOB to be polite to you. That's it. Don't assume that just because she "laughs" at your lame jokes, she's attracted.

"Peaches" also reports that she has seated two guys together who order similar items and get equal service and they'll leave two wildly different tips. And phone numbers. Do girls actually call back when a man leaves a number? I thought that only worked the other way around.

Do not look at this picture

The Prime Minister of Spain and his goth-styled teenaged daughters are shown in an image posted by the State Department. According to the laws of Spain, that's against the law. You can't display the images of the Prime Kids. Wonder what they thought was happening when the cameraman got them to pose with the Obamas?

Today's Smile:(click)

GIANT SQUID ATTACKS GULF COAST!

I don't know why this is just becoming public now, when the event occurred July 30. Perhaps a government cover-up? Even Roger Garrett, our insipid reporter and News Director has neglected to investigate. But now the Morning Show Blog blows the lid off it.
US government scientists caught the first giant squid ever recorded in the US Gulf of Mexico during a research trip.
The whopper was caught in a net by researchers from the US Minerals Management Service (MMS) and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) who were looking at prey available for sperm whales in the area.
Measuring almost 20 feet long and weighing more than 100 pounds, the squid was caught in more than 1500 feet of water in a special trawl net pulled by the NOAA vessel Gordon Gunter. The giant squid is at the Smithsonian Institution National Museum of Natural History for further study. At least the first of the giant squids. I think it will be the beginning of a wave of oversize cephalopods that will invade our coast and crush our boats in their slimy tentacles. Eventually adapting to operate on land where they will overrun our cities and enslave our human population. It's just a hunch.

Big Roger and Roy "Thank You"s go out to the Kurten Community. We were out to visit during the annual Fall Festival at the Kurten Komplex Multi-use Pavilion and Sports Arena - aka "Kurten Community Center" - on Highway 21 (well just off 21, now) last weekend.
We are always treated great and offered exceptional hospitality whenever we go to Kurten. Plus, we get to visit some longtime listeners and RnR fans, new and old. My grandson RG3 successfully defended his title as "The Only Kid I Know Of That Can Nap In A Bouncy House Even While Other Kids Are Jumping". Unfortunately, no trophy or ribbon was awarded. I saw some of the home-made recipes and baked goods for sale in the Country Store Area and was intrigued by "Monkey Bread" or "Monkey Paw Bread" or something similar. Is one of the ingredients really monkey? If so, where do they get 'em? Can you buy 'em at the store? If they are locally produced, it seems like you wouldn't be able to make more than one or two a year. Another story for Roger to look into?

We learned today that Country Sweetheart Miranda Lambert carries a knife on stage with her. It's not a stalker problem, or a security concern. It's beach balls. 'Ran says that when she was out with Kenny Chesney on tour, she got smacked full in the face with one of them giant balloons the audience tosses around. She was right in the middle of "Gunpowder and Lead" and was miffed- to say the least. She took that big ole ball and deflated it under her heel. Since then she keeps a knife on the drum riser during all live appearances. I'd say even if you're not tossing a beach ball, I wouldn't try to rush a stage she's on. Think of what may have happened to Kanye if it was Miranda instead of Taylor at the VMA's.

ANOTHER PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE
"Save the boob" is the tag line on one irreverent video in a campaign for breast cancer awareness that's drawing fans and complaints. Designers of the public service announcements are trying to grab the attention younger women, and encourage them to do breast self-exams. A spokeswoman for Rethink Breast Cancer tells ABC News. "We're creating a bold way of communicating the message". But one viewer called the ads offensive. They "look like a Victoria's Secret ad".

Seperated at Birth?

As you know, Roger wears many hats in the production of the Roger and Roy Morning Show. As the director and only staff member of our news department, he researches the local news, the state news, the national news, and even World News. (For our Sports department, Roger has a staff of one - Royce Hickman - but that's only 7-9a Thursdays)
That's why recently Roger made the stunning discovery that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad bears a striking resemblance to... Barney Rubble! That's right Fred's close buddy may also be a Mid-East dictator! Here's a side-by-side comparison. Make your own determination. It may all be a hoax, but- think of it- have you ever seen the two of them together at the same time in the same room?

College Station City Council and CS-ISD are trying figure out who and how to pay for "No Cell Phone Use" signs in school zones. National guidelines insist warning signs must be posted before authorities can enforce new laws banning phone usage in school areas (this is for drivers, not students - but that's another story for another day). But there's a problem: It will cost $10,000 - $50,000 to manufacture and install the 50-odd signs needed (if the additional messages are posted on existing speed limit sign poles, it will cost 10k for below and 50k for above the speed numbers). Guess what? Neither one wants to have to pay for them. So, it's back to the Transportation Committee to "revisit" and "recommend" a solution. The KORA Morning Show thinks we should get the schools involved and have students make colorful cardboard signs during art classes.

Alan Jackson's House is for sale! Look what you can get for just 38 million dollars (a steal in these difficult economic times)

Finally, some guys from an organization called "Dude Perfect" have posted a video purporting to show The World's Longest Basketball Shot. It was made at Kyle Field (what, not Reed?). They say they are awaiting confirmation from Guinness to make the claim official. Jordan Meserole from the Chamber of Commerce was visiting this morning and said he could verify the feat, as he was a camera operator at KBTX and was present when the shot was accomplished.

The End of Summer Time

Another morning of rainy day fun with Roger and Roy. Forecast predicting more moisture all this week. It's still a pleasant surprise to wake up to thunder-boomers after the Long Hot Summer, although -as I've mentioned before - I'd rather sleep during the storms, than wake up with them. I hit the snooze button several times this morning. Which brings me to today's Roger and Roy Free Advice segment (it's worth nothing, that's why we give it for free).

FOUR WAYS TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE NEVER LATE:
#1.) MAKE IT WORTH YOUR WHILE. Ask yourself: "What will I gain by getting there on time?" Will you beat traffic? Will you make progress towards getting a raise? We decided to nullify this suggestion. Please proceed to the next tip.


#2.) STOP DOING "ONE MORE THING." A lot of people are late because they always try to do "one more thing" before they leave the house . . . just when you have your routine down to the minute (the last minute, usually) you stop and decide to mow the lawn or clean the gutters.


#3.) DON'T MESS WITH YOUR CLOCK. Have you ever set your clock ahead ten minutes to force yourself to be on time? Roger says it doesn't work. I, on the other hand, have employed this strategy for years. Maybe it's because I get up so early and I'm still groggy. Or maybe I'm just easily fooled.
In any event, these new-fangled clocks foil me because they automatically update and you can't set 'em to the wrong time.


#4.) PLAN TO BE EARLY. Some people would rather sprint to their gate at the airport than get there an hour early and wait. And if they ARE ever early, they kill time by reading magazines or playing cell phone games . . . when they should be killing time in the lounge (pilots excluded from this suggestion).

***

Congratulation to Butch Eustace (Butch From Maaco) and the KORA Golf Team : Butch, Alan Bingham, Larry Haygood, and Justin who claimed the title of number one radio station in the B/CS Chamber of Commerce Golf Tournament yesterday. You're number one Morning Show was pleased to discover we had a golf team.

***

We were informed during today's Question of The Day that our question had been hijacked by one of our own: Chris Austin used it in his 3 O'clock contest on Monday. See, it pays to pay attention to KORA! We shoulda!

***

Granger Smith is at it again, check out his latest video creation inspired by "the incident" at last weekends' MTV VMA's with Granger's role inspired by Kanye West.

***

The 2009 Summer of Death ends tonight with the arrival of Autumn. Celebrities: this is your last chance to make what will surely be an impressive list. The Summer of Death is a list of all the movers and shakers who have departed this mortal coil during the summer. This year's list has already be a record breaker. Final tally due tomorrow

It's Kurten For Us

The Real Roger and Roy

Heard some word about counterfeit bills being passed around B/CS. Turns out the perps (that's police talk) are using REAL bills to make the fakes. They take $5 dollar bills and bleach the corners and then photo copy a 50 in it's place. Remember, kids,Lincoln on the 5, Grant on the 50 (also Franklin on the $100-just in case).
The Roger and Roy Morning Show is pretty much unaffected by this scam as we live below the poverty line and seldom have access to those denominations. I think counterfeit money should only be used to pay for fake brand names and your change should be given in Monopoly money.

The weather continues to improve in the Brazos Valley after a scorching, sizzling summer. Not that we're assured of being out of 100 degree days entirely for the year, but at least for the last week cooler heads (and other body parts) have prevailed. We haven't even had a Heat Index lately! I'm hoping to get back to sleeping on my back porch again soon. I got a screened back porch with a hammock that i love sleeping in on those handful of nights that the atmosphere is temperate enough to be comfortable. Plus I spent the summer customizing it.

The Summer of Death has claimed another two personalities: Mary Travers of Peter, Paul and Mary fame and Henry Gibson

Mary had been battling leukemia the the last few years. She was 72.
Henry was a still-active actor who I knew best from Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, but also had roles as Judge Clark Brown on Boston Legal, Father O'Neil in "Wedding Crashers" and Wilbur the pig in the 1973 version of Charlotte's Web. He died after a brief bout with cancer. He would have turned 74 next week.

For you mortal accountants,
Here is a list of fatalities, these are not all, but basically the most universally recognizable.

THE TOLL SO FAR:

--PATRICK SWAYZE

--MICHAEL JACKSON

--FARRAH FAWCETT

--ED MCMAHON

--WALTER CRONKITE

--TED KENNEDY

--Director JOHN HUGHES

--DAVID CARRADINE

--KARL MALDEN

--BILLY MAYS

--Former NFL quarterback STEVE MCNAIR

--"Angela's Ashes" author FRANK MCCOURT

--LES PAUL

--And, of course, GIDGET, the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
The SUMMER OF DEATH officially ends at Midnight next Tuesday

Sick of Roger

You may not know it - because he seldom complains - but Roger has been under the weather this week. He's pretty sure it's not H1N1 -or "swine - flu. But rather the "whine" flu. He was calling his doctor and grossed us all out with his symptoms. Then his medical team prescribed a miracle treatment (sulphur) without him ever having to make an office appearance. I'm thinking they were just playing it safe in case he's contagious.

Which reminds me of the story of the doctor who told his patent "I've got good news and bad news...the bad news is we don't know what you got. The good news is they're naming it after ME!"
Roger is now administrating a supplement of his Secret Special Chicken Soup to help direct him on the road to recovery. I say no matter how far under the weather he gets he will be completely healed and/or cured by kickoff Saturday. Call it a hunch.

I know I said we'd stop TALKING about the Taylor Swift-Kanye West dust-up, but we never promised not to WRITE about. Here's the latest:Kanye gave a personal apology to "T" following her appearance on “The View” yesterday. During the broadcast, she said West had yet to contact her to apologize for hijacking her acceptance speech on the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday. “He has not personally reached out or anything but if he wanted to say hi (I would),” said Swift. After Swift’s comments, West called her and the two spoke, according to a statement from “The View.” The statement said while Taylor “accepted Mr. West’s apology. The contents of the phone call are to remain private.”

Here's Taylor on The View.

Swift Reactions

Messages and Twitters of support are pouring in for Taylor Swift who was disrespected at the MTV VMA broadcast on Sunday. As you know by now, hip-hop artist and all-around class act Kanye West performed a speechus interruptus during Li'l Taylors acceptance speech. You remeber Kanye is the guy who interrupted Gretchen Wilson under similar circumstances a couple years back and said "George Bush doesn't like Black people" at a Katrina relief fundraising telecast.

Not surprisingly, B-F-F Kellie Pickler was quick to comment. She Tweeted, "Tater Tot, you handled yourself with grace. Kanye, don't mess with my lil' sis."

Brad Paisley chimed in, "Poor Kanye. So shy, so humble, such a class act. Why doesn't anyone like him? I mean, come on! Just kidding, of course. He's a total ass."

Reba McEntire's tweet offered congrats and advice -- "So proud of Taylor winning last night at the VMA's! Way to go girl! Lesson to all of us to keep a firm grip on the microphone."

Blake Shelton was surprisingly G-rated with his comments. "Sorry y'all, but we're just a little bit protective of Taylor Swift around here! Hey Kanye -- by 'around here,' I mean the world. Moron."

Jack Ingram kept it brief but heartfelt. "Taylor Swift is graceful amidst weirdness."

Lady Antebellum's Hillary Scott wrote, "Wish people knew when to keep their mouth shut. Love ya', T!"

Jewel Tweeted, "You can't steal Taylor Swift's thunder. He only made himself look like an ass."

David Nail chastised Kanye's entire genre. "Unfortunately, the pop - hip-hop world is much too forgiving. I hope he's crucified by the national media."

Justin Moore, not one for holding back, cut straight to the chase. "I'd like to kick the [crap] out of Kanye West."

Randy Houser also had a brief, but effective tweet: "Pretty much would love to get redneck on Kanye's ass right now. Classless."

Joe Nichols wrote, "I guess Kanye gets off on picking on little girls. I guess that's part of his small man complex."

And from the pop world, Pink wrote, "Kanye West is the biggest piece of [crap] in the world. Quote me. My heart goes out to Taylor Swift. She is a sweet and talented girl who deserved her moment. She should know we all love her." And

Katy Perry addressed Kanye directly, Tweeting, "It's like you stepped on a kitten."

The Roger and Roy Morning Show now declares our participation in this story to be over. Unless something really juicy happens. Plus we're instituted a lifetime ban on even mentioning Kanye again.

Someone we still talk about is Granger Smith who not only makes great records, he compiles video for his song. Check out the LOST FOOTAGE from his "Gypsy Rain"

Rainy Days Ahead

Another Barrel Full of RnR

Roger came in this morning teasing us with a story about a quick run to Conroe he made last night. He wouldn't say why right away claiming it was a secret mission, but I immediately concluded he went to Cracker Barrel. We're always talking about some special Country compilation discs available only at CBs and Conroe has been the closest geographical location we've had. Now comes word that the Barrel will roll into Bryan soon, opening in the new Target Center in Bryan. Maybe we'll finally get that "Best of Roger and Roy" disc we've been hoping for.

The Astros season may be in the dumper for 2009, but some strange masochistic tendency keeps watching the games. Now I know why. I can still learn things about the game I never knew. Last night I was watching the Astros and Braves when one of "them" hit an easy pop fly to the outfield. The announcers, Jim Deshaies and Bill Brown called the catch a "can of corn". Now I'd heard this phrase often and particularly this year, and guessed it's meaning but not it's origin. Turns out it dates back to old time grocers who used one of those grabbing sticks to get merchandise from the upper reaches of the shelves. A can of corn would be an easy item retrieved and then dropped to the grocers open apron below. Therefore an easy catch became know as a "can of corn". You're Welcome. Go Rangers.

New "Guitar Hero" game is being released today with Beatles music available for the first time. It took long negotiations and a phalanx of lawyers to make it happen. While the world (the gaming world, anyway) eagerly anxiously awaits the opportunity to hear Beatles music while they play along on the Fake Guitar, Fake Bass, and Fake Drums, I couldn't help but wonder if it hurts personal creativity rather than help it. You don't have to learn any chords or tuning but still spend hours playing. But after all those gaming hours (which would be better served by actually playing a real guitar), you still can't pick out "Mary Had A Little Lamb". I thought maybe mine were just the ravings of an Old Fart until I saw in todays news that the bass player for the Rolling Stones and Drummer for Pink Floyd are quoted as saying basically the same thing. Oops. They're Old Farts, too. Never mind.

And not only THAT, but where's the COUNTRY GUITAR HERO. No respect, we get no respect.

Talking with my son Alex (or RG2) the other day about forgetfulness. I recommended to him to do what I've started doing recently: carrying a little notebook around and writing down the tasks and appointments I need to remember. This method has worked well for me so far. Except on occasions I'll be in the bedroom and the notebook will be in the living room. By the time I get there, I'll not only forget what I wanted to write down, I'll forget why I'm in the living room.

Manual Labor Day

Spent the day yesterday doing actual physical labor at the house: mowing the (dead brown) grass, pulling the (green healthy) weeds, patching the hose, putting a brace on my market umbrella, anchoring my solar powered Angel on the roof (don't ask- long story). I actually worked up a sweat!

It was good to get outside again. The killer heat has been keeping me indoors out of the sun's death rays for many weeks. The last time I was mowing the grass I came this close to heat stroke and did the yard work in several segments over a couple of days. I have a renewed respect for those whose job requires outdoor work.
As you know, Roger & Roy consider our job an "occupation" rather than "work". "Work" usually involves a shovel.

Howdy folks, The State Fair and Fried Food Capital of Texas announced this year's winning recipes for the deep-friend competition which has been held annually since 2005 and has given us fine classic culinary fare such as Texas Fried Cookie Dough, Chicken Fried Bacon and Deep-Fried Twinkies. This years finalists included Green Goblins (stuffed cherry peppers); Twisted Yam on a Stick (rolled in butter, cinnamon and sugar); Texas Fried Pecan Pie (drizzled with caramel sauce); Country Fried Pork Chips (dip ’em in gravy); Sweet Jalapeño Corn Dog Shrimp; and Fried Peanut Butter Macaroon (just as it sounds).
After years of trying, Christi Erpillo enjoyed
sweet success when her Fernie's Deep Fried Peaches & Cream won for best taste in the Big Tex Choice Awards on Monday.

Abel Gonzales picked up the title of Most Creative food: Fried Butter Sticks.He wraps seasoned butter in a dough and fries it. His delicacy — comes in regular butter, garlic, grape and cherry —

All these foods are recommended (before we've even sampled them) as part of a complete meal by the Roger and Roy Morning Show. Some have enough calories for a week's worth of meals...

The 80s Are Back

Garth Brooks is proving you don't have to record, tour, or even sing to win awards. the G-man will be inducted into Oklahoma State University Hall of Fame from which he was graduated 25 years ago. He'll be Big Man on Campus and Grand Marshall of the Homecoming Parade on October 17.

Meanwhile Reba McEntire is atop the Country charts for the 2nd week with her new CD Keep On Loving You and George Strait's Twang at number two. When's the new Judds album come out?

And now, Back To The Future: Football Season is here again (you can tell it's Fall in the Brazos Valley when temperatures dip below 100). To help you pump up for Aggieball, Roger recommends this article by Richard Justice in the Houston Chronicle.

Today is the anniversary of the largest hailstone ever discovered. It fell in Aurora, NE. It had a circumference of 17.5 inches and weighed 1.67 lbs. We were wondering how you compare a stone of that size. Y'know when assessing hail size we usually make common comparisons: penny-sized, quarter, golf ball, softball sized. Butch at Maaco says that would be "steering wheel" size.

Closer Coffee Wakes Up Roger and Roy

Welcome to Roger's Coffee Club. Because the walk out the studio and across the hallway became to much, Roger has moved his private coffee contraption into to the studios for easier access. It is completely portable and mobile and easy to assemble/pack up (he doesn't trust it alone without him). If you stop by during the morning be sure to bring your travel mug. Next week we hope to add Bear Claws and orange wedges...

Somehow we got into a discussion about The Tonight Show and how long a show it was back in the early Carson era: I said two hours, Roger said it's always been one. We were both wrong. Back in the day a network newscast would run from 10 until 10:15 Central, then Tonight at 10:15. Eventually, local affiliates began running their own news at 10:15 and Tonight had a second opening at 10:30. After a while Ed McMahon hosted the 15 minute early segment and Johnny Carson joined in at the half hour. Then Carson decided he didn't want McMahon going on first and that segment was eliminated entirely. I still seem to remember a 90 minute show, but I have no evidence to back it up. By the way, it wasn't until after Carson retired that the show began at :35 like all the other late-nighters. It was in his contract.

Phone call from Becky Rune who informed us she may have to return her "Mother of the Year" award after neglecting to call yesterday to tell us of her 14-year-old son's birthday. She asked if it was still OK to give a guy that age cupcakes. We said it was all right unless she called him "cupcake". She never did mention his name...

Becky also informs us she's been job hunting. She is hoping to be employed as a bicep or calf model. If you know anyone hiring, call Roger and Roy.

Butch from Maaco talked about cooking and washing dishes. Butch informed us that he and Nelda struck a bargain before marriage: she said "I don't cook", he said "I do". He said "I don't do dishes" she said "I will" and that was the start of their storybook marriage.