Finally, The Dallas Cowboys of Arlington have notched a win in their new palatial Jerry's World stadium (retail price 1.1 billion dollars). Good thing,too. It looked like all the plastic in Mr Jones face was about to melt and turn into a permanent skull-like grimace. I'd have hated to be anyone in his employ or immediate vicinity had the 'boys not pulled through in the second half. I think he might have fired some people today just to relieve the pressure and stay in practice.
Some additional facts about the 9th Wonder of the World: last week I wondered why they'd spend so much money on a new facility - with retractable roof and all - and then lay down artificial turf! Maybe there's been giant leaps in turf technology since I last researched it, but last I heard fake grass is not good for knees and other bendy things. Turns out they have THREE carpets for the field: one for for football, one for soccer, and one for concerts. Already pre-measured and pre-marked. Plus, I'm told, the logos and lettering are not sprayed on the surface but, rather, woven into it. They unroll and roll-up the turf before and after every event. I like the Arizona Cardinals playing field in Phoenix: it's real grass on a giant, movable flat bed that they drag out into the sunshine to maintain. No matter how much the Cowboys have spent on the total package, that "grass" amounts to an inch and a half of plastic on top of cement. Ouch.
Thanks to "Peaches" our clandestine waitress (not her real name) who gave the Roger and Roy Show some of the insider information during our "Good Advice" segment.
Today's Topic: SOME DO'S AND DON'TS IF YOU WANT TO ASK OUT A HOT WAITRESS:
You're out at a bar or a restaurant when a hot waitress comes up to take your order. You want to ask her out, but you can't think of anything to say. So you blurt out something stupid . . or say nothing at all.
The "DO"s:
#1.) Treat her like a real person: Your waitress has heard every line in the book, and she's fully prepared to brush off your cheesy come-on without a second thought.
#2.) Remember she's working: You may be off the clock, but she's not. So don't monopolize her attention and act like she has all the time in the world, because she DOESN'T.
#3.) Bring a few friends along: If you're flying solo, you run the risk of coming across as a creepy loner. Bringing along a few friends goes a long way, especially if there are one or two women in the group. If there is a woman in your group, it's probably not a good idea for her to be your wife or girlfriend. And, it goes without saying, never bring both!
#4.) Talk to her in private: It's not cool to put your waitress on the spot and ask her out in front of your friends. Besides, you may end up embarrassed. Before you talk to her, try excusing yourself from the group or lingering for a few minutes after everyone else leaves.
The "DON'T"s
#1.) Leave an excessively large tip: Why? Because it'll make her feel like you expect something in return . . .("Peaches" doesn't necessarily dismiss big tipping completely, but only as a reward for services or To Insure Promptness))
#2.) Leave a bad tip if she turns you down: That's just weak. She did her job, and it's not her fault you're a loser.
#3.) Brag about your job: The only person who cares about how "cool" your job is, and how much money you make, is YOU.
#4.) Mistake customer service for flirtation: It's her JOB to be polite to you. That's it. Don't assume that just because she "laughs" at your lame jokes, she's attracted.
"Peaches" also reports that she has seated two guys together who order similar items and get equal service and they'll leave two wildly different tips. And phone numbers. Do girls actually call back when a man leaves a number? I thought that only worked the other way around.
Do not look at this picture
Today's Smile:(click)
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