Winners and Losers

Finally, The Dallas Cowboys of Arlington have notched a win in their new palatial Jerry's World stadium (retail price 1.1 billion dollars). Good thing,too. It looked like all the plastic in Mr Jones face was about to melt and turn into a permanent skull-like grimace. I'd have hated to be anyone in his employ or immediate vicinity had the 'boys not pulled through in the second half. I think he might have fired some people today just to relieve the pressure and stay in practice.
Some additional facts about the 9th Wonder of the World: last week I wondered why they'd spend so much money on a new facility - with retractable roof and all - and then lay down artificial turf! Maybe there's been giant leaps in turf technology since I last researched it, but last I heard fake grass is not good for knees and other bendy things. Turns out they have THREE carpets for the field: one for for football, one for soccer, and one for concerts. Already pre-measured and pre-marked. Plus, I'm told, the logos and lettering are not sprayed on the surface but, rather, woven into it. They unroll and roll-up the turf before and after every event. I like the Arizona Cardinals playing field in Phoenix: it's real grass on a giant, movable flat bed that they drag out into the sunshine to maintain. No matter how much the Cowboys have spent on the total package, that "grass" amounts to an inch and a half of plastic on top of cement. Ouch.

Thanks to "Peaches" our clandestine waitress (not her real name) who gave the Roger and Roy Show some of the insider information during our "Good Advice" segment.
Today's Topic: SOME DO'S AND DON'TS IF YOU WANT TO ASK OUT A HOT WAITRESS:

You're out at a bar or a restaurant when a hot waitress comes up to take your order. You want to ask her out, but you can't think of anything to say. So you blurt out something stupid . . or say nothing at all.

The "DO"s:
#1.) Treat her like a real person: Your waitress has heard every line in the book, and she's fully prepared to brush off your cheesy come-on without a second thought.
#2.) Remember she's working: You may be off the clock, but she's not. So don't monopolize her attention and act like she has all the time in the world, because she DOESN'T.
#3.) Bring a few friends along: If you're flying solo, you run the risk of coming across as a creepy loner. Bringing along a few friends goes a long way, especially if there are one or two women in the group. If there is a woman in your group, it's probably not a good idea for her to be your wife or girlfriend. And, it goes without saying, never bring both!
#4.) Talk to her in private: It's not cool to put your waitress on the spot and ask her out in front of your friends. Besides, you may end up embarrassed. Before you talk to her, try excusing yourself from the group or lingering for a few minutes after everyone else leaves.

The "DON'T"s
#1.) Leave an excessively large tip: Why? Because it'll make her feel like you expect something in return . . .("Peaches" doesn't necessarily dismiss big tipping completely, but only as a reward for services or To Insure Promptness))
#2.) Leave a bad tip if she turns you down: That's just weak. She did her job, and it's not her fault you're a loser.
#3.) Brag about your job: The only person who cares about how "cool" your job is, and how much money you make, is YOU.
#4.) Mistake customer service for flirtation: It's her JOB to be polite to you. That's it. Don't assume that just because she "laughs" at your lame jokes, she's attracted.

"Peaches" also reports that she has seated two guys together who order similar items and get equal service and they'll leave two wildly different tips. And phone numbers. Do girls actually call back when a man leaves a number? I thought that only worked the other way around.

Do not look at this picture

The Prime Minister of Spain and his goth-styled teenaged daughters are shown in an image posted by the State Department. According to the laws of Spain, that's against the law. You can't display the images of the Prime Kids. Wonder what they thought was happening when the cameraman got them to pose with the Obamas?

Today's Smile:(click)

GIANT SQUID ATTACKS GULF COAST!

I don't know why this is just becoming public now, when the event occurred July 30. Perhaps a government cover-up? Even Roger Garrett, our insipid reporter and News Director has neglected to investigate. But now the Morning Show Blog blows the lid off it.
US government scientists caught the first giant squid ever recorded in the US Gulf of Mexico during a research trip.
The whopper was caught in a net by researchers from the US Minerals Management Service (MMS) and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) who were looking at prey available for sperm whales in the area.
Measuring almost 20 feet long and weighing more than 100 pounds, the squid was caught in more than 1500 feet of water in a special trawl net pulled by the NOAA vessel Gordon Gunter. The giant squid is at the Smithsonian Institution National Museum of Natural History for further study. At least the first of the giant squids. I think it will be the beginning of a wave of oversize cephalopods that will invade our coast and crush our boats in their slimy tentacles. Eventually adapting to operate on land where they will overrun our cities and enslave our human population. It's just a hunch.

Big Roger and Roy "Thank You"s go out to the Kurten Community. We were out to visit during the annual Fall Festival at the Kurten Komplex Multi-use Pavilion and Sports Arena - aka "Kurten Community Center" - on Highway 21 (well just off 21, now) last weekend.
We are always treated great and offered exceptional hospitality whenever we go to Kurten. Plus, we get to visit some longtime listeners and RnR fans, new and old. My grandson RG3 successfully defended his title as "The Only Kid I Know Of That Can Nap In A Bouncy House Even While Other Kids Are Jumping". Unfortunately, no trophy or ribbon was awarded. I saw some of the home-made recipes and baked goods for sale in the Country Store Area and was intrigued by "Monkey Bread" or "Monkey Paw Bread" or something similar. Is one of the ingredients really monkey? If so, where do they get 'em? Can you buy 'em at the store? If they are locally produced, it seems like you wouldn't be able to make more than one or two a year. Another story for Roger to look into?

We learned today that Country Sweetheart Miranda Lambert carries a knife on stage with her. It's not a stalker problem, or a security concern. It's beach balls. 'Ran says that when she was out with Kenny Chesney on tour, she got smacked full in the face with one of them giant balloons the audience tosses around. She was right in the middle of "Gunpowder and Lead" and was miffed- to say the least. She took that big ole ball and deflated it under her heel. Since then she keeps a knife on the drum riser during all live appearances. I'd say even if you're not tossing a beach ball, I wouldn't try to rush a stage she's on. Think of what may have happened to Kanye if it was Miranda instead of Taylor at the VMA's.

ANOTHER PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE
"Save the boob" is the tag line on one irreverent video in a campaign for breast cancer awareness that's drawing fans and complaints. Designers of the public service announcements are trying to grab the attention younger women, and encourage them to do breast self-exams. A spokeswoman for Rethink Breast Cancer tells ABC News. "We're creating a bold way of communicating the message". But one viewer called the ads offensive. They "look like a Victoria's Secret ad".

Seperated at Birth?

As you know, Roger wears many hats in the production of the Roger and Roy Morning Show. As the director and only staff member of our news department, he researches the local news, the state news, the national news, and even World News. (For our Sports department, Roger has a staff of one - Royce Hickman - but that's only 7-9a Thursdays)
That's why recently Roger made the stunning discovery that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad bears a striking resemblance to... Barney Rubble! That's right Fred's close buddy may also be a Mid-East dictator! Here's a side-by-side comparison. Make your own determination. It may all be a hoax, but- think of it- have you ever seen the two of them together at the same time in the same room?

College Station City Council and CS-ISD are trying figure out who and how to pay for "No Cell Phone Use" signs in school zones. National guidelines insist warning signs must be posted before authorities can enforce new laws banning phone usage in school areas (this is for drivers, not students - but that's another story for another day). But there's a problem: It will cost $10,000 - $50,000 to manufacture and install the 50-odd signs needed (if the additional messages are posted on existing speed limit sign poles, it will cost 10k for below and 50k for above the speed numbers). Guess what? Neither one wants to have to pay for them. So, it's back to the Transportation Committee to "revisit" and "recommend" a solution. The KORA Morning Show thinks we should get the schools involved and have students make colorful cardboard signs during art classes.

Alan Jackson's House is for sale! Look what you can get for just 38 million dollars (a steal in these difficult economic times)

Finally, some guys from an organization called "Dude Perfect" have posted a video purporting to show The World's Longest Basketball Shot. It was made at Kyle Field (what, not Reed?). They say they are awaiting confirmation from Guinness to make the claim official. Jordan Meserole from the Chamber of Commerce was visiting this morning and said he could verify the feat, as he was a camera operator at KBTX and was present when the shot was accomplished.

The End of Summer Time

Another morning of rainy day fun with Roger and Roy. Forecast predicting more moisture all this week. It's still a pleasant surprise to wake up to thunder-boomers after the Long Hot Summer, although -as I've mentioned before - I'd rather sleep during the storms, than wake up with them. I hit the snooze button several times this morning. Which brings me to today's Roger and Roy Free Advice segment (it's worth nothing, that's why we give it for free).

FOUR WAYS TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE NEVER LATE:
#1.) MAKE IT WORTH YOUR WHILE. Ask yourself: "What will I gain by getting there on time?" Will you beat traffic? Will you make progress towards getting a raise? We decided to nullify this suggestion. Please proceed to the next tip.


#2.) STOP DOING "ONE MORE THING." A lot of people are late because they always try to do "one more thing" before they leave the house . . . just when you have your routine down to the minute (the last minute, usually) you stop and decide to mow the lawn or clean the gutters.


#3.) DON'T MESS WITH YOUR CLOCK. Have you ever set your clock ahead ten minutes to force yourself to be on time? Roger says it doesn't work. I, on the other hand, have employed this strategy for years. Maybe it's because I get up so early and I'm still groggy. Or maybe I'm just easily fooled.
In any event, these new-fangled clocks foil me because they automatically update and you can't set 'em to the wrong time.


#4.) PLAN TO BE EARLY. Some people would rather sprint to their gate at the airport than get there an hour early and wait. And if they ARE ever early, they kill time by reading magazines or playing cell phone games . . . when they should be killing time in the lounge (pilots excluded from this suggestion).

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Congratulation to Butch Eustace (Butch From Maaco) and the KORA Golf Team : Butch, Alan Bingham, Larry Haygood, and Justin who claimed the title of number one radio station in the B/CS Chamber of Commerce Golf Tournament yesterday. You're number one Morning Show was pleased to discover we had a golf team.

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We were informed during today's Question of The Day that our question had been hijacked by one of our own: Chris Austin used it in his 3 O'clock contest on Monday. See, it pays to pay attention to KORA! We shoulda!

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Granger Smith is at it again, check out his latest video creation inspired by "the incident" at last weekends' MTV VMA's with Granger's role inspired by Kanye West.

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The 2009 Summer of Death ends tonight with the arrival of Autumn. Celebrities: this is your last chance to make what will surely be an impressive list. The Summer of Death is a list of all the movers and shakers who have departed this mortal coil during the summer. This year's list has already be a record breaker. Final tally due tomorrow

It's Kurten For Us

The Real Roger and Roy

Heard some word about counterfeit bills being passed around B/CS. Turns out the perps (that's police talk) are using REAL bills to make the fakes. They take $5 dollar bills and bleach the corners and then photo copy a 50 in it's place. Remember, kids,Lincoln on the 5, Grant on the 50 (also Franklin on the $100-just in case).
The Roger and Roy Morning Show is pretty much unaffected by this scam as we live below the poverty line and seldom have access to those denominations. I think counterfeit money should only be used to pay for fake brand names and your change should be given in Monopoly money.

The weather continues to improve in the Brazos Valley after a scorching, sizzling summer. Not that we're assured of being out of 100 degree days entirely for the year, but at least for the last week cooler heads (and other body parts) have prevailed. We haven't even had a Heat Index lately! I'm hoping to get back to sleeping on my back porch again soon. I got a screened back porch with a hammock that i love sleeping in on those handful of nights that the atmosphere is temperate enough to be comfortable. Plus I spent the summer customizing it.

The Summer of Death has claimed another two personalities: Mary Travers of Peter, Paul and Mary fame and Henry Gibson

Mary had been battling leukemia the the last few years. She was 72.
Henry was a still-active actor who I knew best from Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, but also had roles as Judge Clark Brown on Boston Legal, Father O'Neil in "Wedding Crashers" and Wilbur the pig in the 1973 version of Charlotte's Web. He died after a brief bout with cancer. He would have turned 74 next week.

For you mortal accountants,
Here is a list of fatalities, these are not all, but basically the most universally recognizable.

THE TOLL SO FAR:

--PATRICK SWAYZE

--MICHAEL JACKSON

--FARRAH FAWCETT

--ED MCMAHON

--WALTER CRONKITE

--TED KENNEDY

--Director JOHN HUGHES

--DAVID CARRADINE

--KARL MALDEN

--BILLY MAYS

--Former NFL quarterback STEVE MCNAIR

--"Angela's Ashes" author FRANK MCCOURT

--LES PAUL

--And, of course, GIDGET, the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
The SUMMER OF DEATH officially ends at Midnight next Tuesday

Sick of Roger

You may not know it - because he seldom complains - but Roger has been under the weather this week. He's pretty sure it's not H1N1 -or "swine - flu. But rather the "whine" flu. He was calling his doctor and grossed us all out with his symptoms. Then his medical team prescribed a miracle treatment (sulphur) without him ever having to make an office appearance. I'm thinking they were just playing it safe in case he's contagious.

Which reminds me of the story of the doctor who told his patent "I've got good news and bad news...the bad news is we don't know what you got. The good news is they're naming it after ME!"
Roger is now administrating a supplement of his Secret Special Chicken Soup to help direct him on the road to recovery. I say no matter how far under the weather he gets he will be completely healed and/or cured by kickoff Saturday. Call it a hunch.

I know I said we'd stop TALKING about the Taylor Swift-Kanye West dust-up, but we never promised not to WRITE about. Here's the latest:Kanye gave a personal apology to "T" following her appearance on “The View” yesterday. During the broadcast, she said West had yet to contact her to apologize for hijacking her acceptance speech on the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday. “He has not personally reached out or anything but if he wanted to say hi (I would),” said Swift. After Swift’s comments, West called her and the two spoke, according to a statement from “The View.” The statement said while Taylor “accepted Mr. West’s apology. The contents of the phone call are to remain private.”

Here's Taylor on The View.